Q.  Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
 A.  Ask your mother.

 Q.  How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
 A.  Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it
      came from.

 Q.  What did the cannibal do after he dumped his
        girlfriend?
 A.  He wiped his ass.

 Q.  What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
 A.  Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole
      weak.

 Q.  What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
 A.  A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a
       bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.

 Q.  What's the difference between love, true love and
       showing off?
 A.  Spitting, swallowing and gargling.

 Q.  What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?
 A.  You know she'll swallow.

 Q.  What's the difference between a Catholic wife and
       a Jewish wife?
 A.  A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

 Q.  How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
 A.  Two.  The hard part is getting them in the light bulb.

 Q.  When is a pixie not a pixie?
 A.  When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's
       a-gobblin.'

 Q.  What's the definition of a Yankee?
 A.  Same thing as a "quickie," only you do it yourself.

 Q.  What makes men chase women they have no intention
       of marrying?
 A.  The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have
       no intention of driving

 Q.  What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
 A.  No one to talk to during orgasm.

 Q.  What do you call a smart blonde?
 A.  A golden retriever.

 Q.  What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a
       horse's ass?
 A.  A mechanic!

 Q.  Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
 A.  The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand
      and a dozen donuts.

 Q.  Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
 A.  The one who can eat the last donut!

 Q.  Jewish dilemma:
 A.  Free pork.

 Q.  What's the difference between St. Patrick's Day
       and Martin Luther King Day?
 A.  On St. Patrick's Day, everybody wishes they were
       Irish.

 Q.  How can you tell which is the head nurse?
 A.  The one with the dirty knees.

 Q.  What is the difference between a battery and a
       woman?
 A.  A battery has a positive side.

 Q.  A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in the
       eighth grade. Who has the biggest tits?
 A.  The blonde, because she's 18.

 Q.  Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
 A.  Because their balls fall over their asshole and they
       vapor-lock.

 Q.  The three words most hated by men during sex?
 A.  "Is It In?"

 Q.  Three words women hate to hear when having sex:
 A.  "Honey, I'm home!"

 Q.  Why do men take showers instead of baths?
 A.  Pissing in the bath is disgusting.

 Q.  Did you hear about the new "Blonde" paint?
 A.  It's not very bright, but it spreads easily.

 Q.  Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
 A.  When you take it off you wonder where her tits
       went.

 Q.  How can you tell a macho women?
 A.  She rolls her own tampons.

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