Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? A: 45 lbs.
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? A: 45 minutes.
Q: What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman? A: Sexual harassment.
Q: What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man? A: $3.99 a minute.
Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead? A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
Q: How can you tell if your husband is dead? A: The sex is the same but you get the remote.
Q: Why did cavemen pull their women around by the hair? A: Because if they pulled them around by their feet, they'd fill up with mud.
Q: What's it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down? A: Marriage.
Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? A: Because those men already have boyfriends.
Q. What is a man's view of safe sex? A. A padded headboard.
Q. What do you call a smart blonde? A. A golden retriever.
Q. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass? A. A mechanic
Q. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
Q. Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony? A. She is the one who can eat the last donut.
Q. Why does the bride always wear white? A. Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
Q. What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A. A battery has a positive side.
Q. A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest knockers? A. The blonde, because she's 18.
Q. Why do men snore when they lay on their backs? A. Because their balls fall over their asshole and they vapor-lock.
Q. Why do men take showers instead of baths? A. Pissing in the bath is disgusting.
Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women? A. He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
Q. Do you know the punishment for bigamy? A. Two mothers-in-law.
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